did you get engaged???
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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