her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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