woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
