miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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