Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
