I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
