Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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