I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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