Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
