I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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