I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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