I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
