you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
