she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
