Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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