mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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