Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
