i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
