Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i think my cat just said my name.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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