Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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