Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
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You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When did we convert life to cartoon?
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You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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