Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze