so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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