I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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