I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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