I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I will die if light touches me.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
