absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
