Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My ATM looks so different sober.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I still have a little drunk in my system
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
