i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
