My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
