it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
