I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
