so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
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I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
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I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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