We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
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i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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