Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
