Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
