If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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