it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
