How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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