What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
