I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
