shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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