evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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