Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
