If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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