I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm too high and old for this...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
