Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Quick, to the slutcave!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
