he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
