Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
