How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
