someone get that fucking seahorse.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
