i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
