I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
No subtext here. People are naked.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
