her vagina looked like bernie madoff
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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