my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Randomize
