I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
God, I missed his penis.
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