Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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