just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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