I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
