marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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