So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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