she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
